RECLAIM THE RIGHT TO SAY NO & FEEL AMAZING WITHOUT ALCOHOL
Navigating social events without a drink in hand can feel like walking into a minefield of questions and judgment. Here, sobriety coach Belinda Stark explores the awkward encounters faced by those who choose to go alcohol-free, debunking the stigma and reclaiming the right to say no—without explanation.
Have you ever been at a pub, a party, or out for dinner, and when asked, "What are you drinking?" you reply, "I’m not drinking." Or maybe you say, "Just sparkling water for me," or (heaven forbid) you ask for a mocktail, or what about you ask for the AF drinks list?
Cue the awkward silence and the big weirdo stare. Some people react and look at you like you’ve got three heads or you’ve just sprouted wings and flown in from planet Weirdo. And, of course, it’s even more shocking if you’ve been known as the “drinker” in the group.
“Why aren’t you drinking?” You shouldn’t have to explain, right? But there we are, pulling out our list of justifications: "I’m the designated driver," "I’ve got an early PT session," "I’m on a detox." Or if you’re like me, you might throw in a joke like, "No, I’m not pregnant!" And yet, someone always responds with, "Oh come on, just one! Don’t be boring—let’s have fun!"
In the early days of sobriety, when you’re still feeling fragile, those moments can make you question yourself: Am I boring? Was I only fun when I was drinking? Am I ruining everyone’s good time? What they don’t realise is that it’s often a reflection of themselves. They’re not comfortable with change, and your decision not to drink can make them feel guilty about their own choices.
But here’s the truth—there’s no reason you should have to over-explain why you're not drinking. If it’s what’s best for you, that’s all that matters. Alcohol is the only drug we feel pressured to justify not using. Why is it that when you say, "I’m off sugar," or "I’ve quit smoking," people pat you on the back and say, "Good for you!" But say you’re not drinking, and suddenly, everyone’s got an opinion.
Worst of all, some people respond with, “Oh, you don’t have a problem,” or “You’re being dramatic.” But you’re not. Deciding not to drink is a personal choice—it doesn’t need validation or a defence. The key word here is choice. And once you understand that, it becomes easier. It’s not about missing out—it’s about making a choice that feels good to you. You accept and respect your friend's choice to drink, so that should be reciprocated with your choices.
Of course, the reality is you might lose some friends along the way, but ask yourself: Were those really the connections that were lifting me up? When you’re sober and they’re a few drinks in, let’s be honest, the conversations aren’t exactly riveting anymore. Repetitive, anyone?
I’m actually more fun, more connected, and more present when I’m sober. I’m engaged, I’m supportive, and most importantly—I’m in control.
We’ve all heard the saying: No is a complete sentence. But let’s be real—it’s not always that easy to say. We live in a society where alcohol is wrapped up in celebration, relaxation, and connection. Yet, when you embrace sobriety, you realise the real connection comes from being fully present with the people you care about—not from what’s in your glass.
At the end of the day, it’s not about meeting anyone else’s expectations. It’s about doing what’s best for you. Whether it’s for health reasons, mental clarity, or simply because you feel better without it—you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just because you’ve made the choice to live alcohol-free doesn’t mean you’ve lost your fun. It means you’ve chosen to honour your needs.
So, next time someone asks, “Why aren’t you drinking?” instead of launching into an explanation, try something new: smile and say, “Because I feel amazing without it.” Trust me, you won’t regret it.
